Build the Wall...

 

 

Build the Wall

By Scott Casteel

 

The spectrum is not concrete and tangible but fluid and perpetually changing. It is ever present but not always visible. With Ebbs and flows, us who live with those on the spectrum are ever observant and aware of its presence, hoping it will disappear or go on unnoticed. It rarely does. Always wondering what will be and what success will look like. If success has a face at all.

Growing up in the Boy Scouts, I knew it brought wonderful adventure and challenges. However, girls do not corner the market on being mean, so I was fearful of what may seem like harmless fun could leave lifelong scars. Admittedly at first, I was skeptical and hovered. Once I was called out on it, I backed off and let kids be kids. I could not have made a better decision. Jon began to blossom.

As time went by, he advanced in rank and found his place in the Scouting world. The adventures became more skillful, perhaps even dangerous. Being part of the team, expectations became elevated.  When the opportunity presented, we moved forward and accepted the challenge. Ten days in the wilderness of New Mexico. What could go wrong?

We had trained extensively with long hikes and short hikes. We hiked at night and even in the rain. I am not sure if you can over prepare, but we were close to it. After nearly a year of preparation, we took our first steps on the trail at Philmont. It was early June and the conditions were perfect.

After four days on the trail, we needed the break and the hot showers found at Cimmaroncito, small unpretentious wilderness oasis tucked back in the forest of the south country. Each stop along the way has programming. Over the ten-day experience, the kids learned to safely shoot guns, race burros, and even tried their hand at fly fishing.  For this stop, it was technical climbing.

Now, gravity has never been my friend and the thought of distancing myself from terra firma has never been my idea of having a good time. I was comfortable on the porch, drinking coffee and breathing mountain air. After all, I was on vacation.

 

After being lulled asleep by thunderboomers, I was up early and felt refreshed. I wondered how the day would unfold. Jon made it clear he was not going to participate. Like a good dad, I had his back. Maybe we would sit on the porch and play UNO. After all, it is just a wall. If you look hard enough, you can find a way around it. This non-sense of scaling a wall like some modern-day Spiderman seemed a bit frivolous.

Sometimes being part of a team means pushing your personal agenda aside and moving forward with the group. If we stayed on the porch, maybe others would stay on the porch. It would be anarchy, with coffee. At a minimum, I could get some good pictures and maybe practice my wilderness emergency medicine, so we tagged along.

 

It’s just a wall. Not sure what the big deal is, but the nature of the beast suggests it is treated like a big deal. At fifty to sixty feet tall, perhaps it is a metaphor for life. You know, conquering fears, etc. While, I supported his decision not to climb, peer pressure can be a good thing. Afterall, he needed to tilt at his own windmills. Just put on the equipment, I told him. Maybe they won’t notice you didn’t climb the wall.

He mumbled some gentle expletives as he put on the harness and helmet. The group began to encourage him to clip in and just go a few feet. Under protest, he started up the wall. One foot became two and so on.  My pride soared, as I watched him make his way to the top of the cliff. He unhooked and made his way to his reward. As I watched him hook back in to repel down the next cliff face. My son had reached, in my mind at least, stud muffin status.

I stood at the base of the wall in pride and wonderment. Ahhh shiiiittttt, I quietly mumble to myself. It was at this moment of him conquering his fears, I realized if he did it, I had to do it. I donned the harness and a sweaty helmet. While the joy of his success had me floating on air, I had clipped in and shouted in a trembling and aggravated voice “CLIMBING!”