The Colorado Fail...

Epic fail? Perhaps. At times it seems that way. Now what? It is not as though I have never been confronted with failure, just not so much with so many watching. As one would imagine, there is embarrassment, frustration, bewilderment and whole host of mixed emotions that I am not sure I know the words to best explain. I sit in front of this computer screen wondering how does one deal with failure. I am not sure there is just one way. Do I put this all behind me, act like a responsible adult and go look for a job? Do I move on to plan B and start working on my next attempt? I do not  have an answer. After a year of planning, dreaming, training, prepping and filling myself with the hope of wonderment of being on the Trail, I am dismayed at how six days on the trail could unravel my dream. The idea of not finishing never genuinely crossed my mind. I knew there would be set backs and issues but I have the knowledge and skills  and experience to work thru them. Or so I thought.

Is it that thru hiking is not for me? Or not for me now? When the tide turned, it was a slap in the face.  The fears I feared never came to pass but "reality hits you hard bro." My strength became weakness and my preparation vain.  I wish I could say there is no embarrassment or humiliation or anger, but it is there. I could lie about it or hide it or try to justify it, but that changes nothing. It is there. Do I embrace it? Run from it? Or just let it alone and see what happens? Perhaps I will look for the good and embrace that which was bad.

Would it be narcissistic for me to think I am the only one that has failed? Of course.  But what is the course for recovery? How foolish would it be to take the proverbial orange colored piece of rubber at the end of my Ticonderoga #2 and try to scrub away this last year? What can be gleaned from failure? Is there a magic formula to right the wrong? How will others benefit? Do I keep my discoveries private or do I share so others don't make likewise mistakes?

I had hoped to have you follow me on my journey as I arrived at the trail terminus. That may never come to pass. I refuse to say never but choose to say maybe. As I sit and process thru this setback, I am already sceaming and dreaming.

In the next few posts, I will chat about the short lived adventures and what led me to leaving the Trail. I hope you follow along. For those that have come along this far, I thank you. For those of you that get off this trail, I thank you for having joined me and hope you find what you are seeking in your own journey. I do, however, hope you will join me in figuring out now what? Just sayin'...